can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
