How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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