So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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