Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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