I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
