officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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