apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
