Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
