Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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