For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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