Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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