JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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