Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
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Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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