Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
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He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
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I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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