He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
