Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
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Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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