So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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