I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
