I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
