true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
