I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
