u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Its about making memories worth repressing
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
