Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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