I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
