if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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