i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
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I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
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I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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