You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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