but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We are all done wearing pants today
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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