Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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