Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
