roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
