You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
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