I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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