My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize