last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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