I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Shame - the story of my life.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
