her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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