I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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