I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Enjoy the penises
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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