this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
