Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
