i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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