You made me cry and you don't even care
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
