saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
