She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
