you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
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I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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