I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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