I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
