I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
