I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
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Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
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I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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