see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
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does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
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I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
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