Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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