He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
