she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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