You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
