i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Never joke about your clitoris.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
