If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
