Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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