OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
